Book Review: A Mom’s Guide to Life After Divorce
(P.S. Dads, too!)
I certainly hope you don’t ever need this book. But, the reality is that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.
And the journey is very lonely. Even though thousands of people are going through the process at any given time, the experience is L-O-N-E-L-Y. The grief about the past. The worries about the future… It’s all so personal, painful, and isolating.
But, as Dr. Ned Hallowell always advises, “Never worry alone!” Easier said than done, I know. And that’s exactly why I recommend this book. A vast number of our clients and students are navigating these rough waters when they come to us. (Of course, many teachers support parents through divorce, as well.)
I’m glad we now have a resource we can share and whole-heartedly endorse!
The author, Becky Adams, opens the book with an emotional description of the first time her (newly) ex-husband came to take her daughter for the weekend. “I remember staring at the back of the door after it closed… the sense of finality… the emptiness of the space… the (realization that) this was how it was going to be.”
From this opening story through the rest of the book, Adams candidly shares her experience and the feelings she wrestled with at each stage. Her writing style makes it feel like she’s sitting right beside you, holding your hand and encouraging you. As if she’s saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll help you through this.”
The book is also extremely practical! Adams has been there.
She’s done it.
ALL of it.
So, she understands how important it is to provide effective and efficient strategies to help you along. The Table of Contents speaks for itself… (below)
Part One: Get Stabilized
- Make the Initial Adjustment
- Know the Details of Your Situation
- Give Yourself Time to Heal
- Realize You Are in Control of Your Life
- Nurture Your Physical & Emotional Health
- Create a New Routine
- Design a Parenting Agreement
- Develop a Communication Plan
- Help Your Kids Get Stabilized
- Get Help from Your “Village”
- Aim for Progress, Not Perfection
- Practice the Golden Rule
- Perform a Ceremony
Part Two: Get Organized
- Practical Things
- Set Up a Calendaring System
- Give Thought to Where You Live
- Create Your New Home
- Get on Top of Your Finances
- Square Up Shared Expenses
- Create a Plan for Paperwork
- Coordinate Efficient Drop-Offs and Pick-Ups
- Plan Ahead for Dinner
- Manage Your Family’s Health
Part Three: Get Going — Live It Every Day
- Ongoing Growth
- Manage Your Energy
- Relax When Your Kids Are Away
- Ask for Help
- Find Mentors
- Make a Done-It List
- Understand that Friendships May Change
- Release Yourself from the Power of a (Calendar) Date
- Make Their Homecoming Special
- Have Faith in What You Offer Your Kids
- If You See a Chance, Take It
- Keep It Simple
- Figure Out What Success Means to You
- Celebrate Your Progress
Not Just for Women
Obviously, this book is written by a woman and is highly empathetic towards a woman’s perspective. However, Adams is very respectful towards everyone involved in a divorce. (In other words, don’t worry…there’s NO “man bashing.”) I personally know several men who have struggled or are struggling through divorce that would get a tremendous amount of support from this book, too.
Erase the Worry
The power of a book never ceases to amaze me; this book is a shining example! Between the empathetic stories and the practical advice, A Mom’s Guide to Life After Divorce goes a long way towards eradicating the loneliness and worries of divorce.
Take the first step by reaching out for this book. (Available here). You’ll feel Becky’s hand stretching back, picking you up, and supporting you on this journey.
NEVER worry alone!