“A Good Teacher Is a ‘Self-Abuser’ Teacher!”

A grad-school professor of mine said this in class one day. He was lamenting that his wife, a kindergarten teacher, had been on leave for two years to have their two children. He specialized in language acquisition and reading development, so he used his wife’s classroom as an observational laboratory for years. While she was on leave, he was having a difficult time finding a replacement.

He always spoke highly of his wife’s skills and patience as a teacher. It was clear he held her in high regard, so it was out of total respect that he joked, “Yeah, I think she’s going to keep having children, just so she doesn’t have to go back to work…I’m convinced that a good teacher is a ‘self-abuser’ teacher!”

I had an immediate, gut-level, visceral reaction…

“That’s me!”

Teachers are worn out from expectations of "perfection in education." This notion of perfection is damaging and leads many teachers to literally burn themselves out. Learn how a simple change in perspective can keep the fire burning.

I was always putting 110% into my work. I worked hard to develop interesting lessons and attempted to keep close tabs on the students in my elementary classroom. But, every day ended in frustration:

-“I didn’t get through all of my lessons today. What am I doing wrong?”

-“The kids were pretty talkative today. I’ve created all these ‘cool’ hands-on activities, but I still can’t get them to pay attention.”

-“The principal walked in with eight new students for my math class today. I didn’t have enough desks, books, or supplies for them. The rest of the class went crazy because neither they, nor I, were expecting that our class would grow by 30% in the middle of our lesson…” (True story, by the way. I have no idea where those extra eight kids came from.)

-“Why can’t I have a day without any interruptions?”

-“We had a ‘surprise’ assembly today that destroyed our ‘learning center’ time. The kids were crushed. I feel bad that I didn’t give them any warning.”

-“I don’t know what to do about Trevor. No matter what I do, I just can’t connect with him.”

In reality, many of my frustrations came from things over which I had no control. Yet, I still felt defeated.

One summer, I returned to school to submit my resignation. We were moving and I would need to find a new job. Robert, a veteran janitor, overheard me speaking with the principal just inside the office. A few minutes later, I headed towards my classroom to pack up my things. Robert quickly chased me down. He was wheeling a dolly and flagged me to join him on the elevator.

I had always liked Robert, but I was shocked by how gracious he was towards helping me. As we finally reached my classroom, he wistfully said, “Yeah, I hate to see you go. You are the best we have here.”

I was shocked! Robert was close to retirement; he had spent at least 25 years in the hallways of schools across our district, so he had seen his fair share of teachers and classrooms at work. He was always pleasant but rarely said much, so I didn’t expect such a kind compliment from him. I doubt he would have said it if he didn’t mean it.

But, how could he feel that way? After seven years, I could barely count on two hands the number of times I came home feeling positive and proud about my accomplishments in the classroom.

Maybe my professor was right… “A good teacher is a ‘self-abuser’ teacher.”

My husband had a similar experience. For years, he would compare himself to some of his close friends who were among the best teachers in his high school. He would wonder how some of them had time to create such outstanding lessons or write feedback on individual papers and tests for 150 students at a time.

I would try to assure him that he did his share of good stuff, too. It didn’t matter…as long as there was something more he thought he could do, he felt he wasn’t doing enough.

Last year, he announced that he was taking a leave of absence for a year. Students, teachers, and administrators came out of the woodwork, surprising him with some very sincere and heartfelt comments about how much he would be missed. He was stunned!

“A good teacher is a ‘self-abuser’ teacher!”

If you are a teacher, you are likely a “self-abuser.” Lazy teachers who are totally burned out and don’t care about their students wouldn’t be reading this newsletter. You put a lot of pressure on yourself. You hold yourself to very high standards. By default, that makes you a Self-Abuser Teacher, too.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?

When we go to college to become teachers, we are taught the “ideal” way to do everything. We are taught “ideal” expectations.

When we arrive in the classroom, we have “ideal” standards to meet, and “ideal” scores to reach on tests. We are handed books like Harry K. Wong’s First Days of School that clearly state teaching isn’t about leading the horse to water; OUR JOB is to make the horse WANT to “drink.”

The very clear insinuation is that if your students don’t WANT to learn, then it is YOUR fault.

Never mind the fact that Kyle came into school today so scared that he was hiding in an empty locker in the hallway. Last night, his mother called before you, his teacher, left the classroom. It was 4:15pm and she yelled and screamed at you through the phone. She was most likely drunk.

Now, Kyle is afraid to face you. He’s ashamed. When you go out to speak to him, he hovers and cries. When you tell him “It’s okay. Everything is okay. I’m not mad. I know it’s not your fault…,” he lunges at you with a hug and doesn’t stop crying all day.

How do you make an eight-year-old kid want to learn when he’s carrying a 1000-lb weight on his shoulders from home?

How do you follow all of Mr. Wong’s great advice if your school administration does not support your classroom-management efforts by neglecting to inform you of schedule changes, last-minute assemblies, or interrupts your class to bring you eight new students?

With all due respect to Harry K. Wong and his great teaching strategies, I threw his book in my campfire one summer! I finally realized that I had beaten myself up over not being perfect when, in fact, much of the deck was stacked against me. I learned great tips from the book, but his idealistic tone of “perfection in teaching” is very damaging.

DON’T GET ME WRONG! I’M NOT ADVOCATING THAT WE AVOID RESPONSIBILITY. Actually, nothing makes me angrier than when people attempt to put blame on everyone but themselves. As human beings, all of us teachers can always be learning and striving to improve.

What we need to do, however, is stop holding ourselves to impossible standards. We also need to recognize when things happen that are out of our control. Expectations of perfection, as described so gleefully by Harry Wong, guarantee that we will ALWAYS feel like failures!

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

There is a mathematical law of the universe that predicted, before man even walked on the planet, that we could never achieve perfection in teaching. It’s called the Pareto Principle, discovered by Vilfredo Pareto. It is otherwise known as the “80/20 principle.” And, it applies to everything!

80/20 says that you will wear 20% of your clothes 80% of the time. It also says that 80% of your happiness comes from 20% of your experiences. Likewise, 80% of your frustrations in school will be caused by 20% of your students, or maybe even just 5-10% of your students.

80/20 can also be 95/5… the point is that cause/effect relationships are rarely, if ever, 50/50. The vast majority of the time, they will be highly disproportionate.

80/20 shows up in the most unexpected places. Just last week, my dad called and was all fired up! He and my mom are planning a huge family reunion this summer. Dad is coordinating tickets for a Detroit Tiger baseball game that weekend and is purchasing 86 tickets. But, he was having trouble with a few relatives who, collectively, represented 15 tickets. He drafted a scathing email to one of them. Before he hit “send,” he had the sense to hold himself back… and called me to vent.

He told me all the details and was justified in being upset. But, I also knew there was another side of the story and had to talk him “off the ledge.” So, I grabbed the calculator.

“Dad, there is mathematical law that pretty much guarantees you were going to have problems buying these tickets. It’s the 80/20 principle.

“Long before you were born, it was pretty much predicted that you would have this trouble. 80/20 says that 80% of your trouble will come from 20% of the tickets. So, you need 86 tickets, but are having problems with 15 of them…that’s 17% 80/20 predicted this a l-o-n-g time ago! You really can’t fight it.”

By this time, Dad was laughing. It was a goofy way to solve a family feud, but it worked. I told Dad to go pour himself a Cold One (for us, that would be a Diet Coke), kick his feet up for a while, and think about how much fun he would have with the 71 other relatives, gathering from around the country, who would be grateful for his time and efforts.

80/20 took him from scathing mad to having a Jimmy Buffet Moment (with Diet Coke, of course).

It can do the same for you. Human nature naturally allows us to create idealistic views about what we want to accomplish, and then focus only on what didn’t go well. For teachers, that means that we are pre-programmed to focus on: the 20% of the students we can’t reach, the 20% of the time that didn’t go well, the 20% of our lessons that bombed!

We never, EVER give ourselves credit for the 80% of everything we do right!

YOU never give yourself enough credit for the things YOU do right: the students you smiled at throughout the day, the lesson plans that went great, the colleague you saved from going postal at the copy machine, the students who will pass their tests because of your extra help, or the one student who needed a shoulder to cry on during a private conversation after school.

Go easy on yourself and flip your perspective around! Of course, you can always evaluate yourself for improvement, but don’t let the negative self-talk dip into self-criticism.

Today is Teacher Appreciation Day. I challenge you to let the appreciation start within yourself! Make a conscious effort to celebrate your 80% of daily success. Then, celebrate…and have a Cold One. (Diet Coke, of course! )

At SOAR, we celebrate teachers every day! As always, our mission is to make the lives of parents and students easier by providing friendly service and top-quality materials.  For more information, visit http://studyskills.com/curriculum-2-g/.

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

“…and Karl Fisch contacted me and congratulated me!! I have used the SOAR curriculum for 3 years now and it has made the kids smarter and more organized!

The Cape Coral News-Press also ran a huge spread on it. The actual ceremony is tonight and I am very happy to be able to tell the attendees how important study skills are to today’s learners! If I can I will share pictures of the event.

Thank you for creating such a wonderful program!

- Elisa”

Congrats to Elisa on bringing SOAR to life with dedication and compassion! I am thrilled that she is being recognized for all of her hard work.

Here is the Cape Coral News-Press excerpt featuring Elisa’s accomplishments:

Of Elisa Collins, Oasis Middle School Principal Dr. Melissa Byington said, “She is a very creative, energetic, dynamic teacher who is great in making connections for her students. She teaches sixth grade. She’s also an asset to our staff by providing professional resources and assisting with staff development.”

“I teach Study Skills – Learning to Learn,” said Collins. “I was very surprised to see so many people come to let me know about the award. It was kind of like having the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol. The kids were surprised as well.”

Of what she teaches, she said many don’t fully understand. “What it is, is that we teach the children how to learn, to use the abilities that they have to help them be the very best learner.”

She said she patterns the philosophy of Karl Fisch, a “teacher/technology education guru.”She uses his now famous quote: “We are currently preparing students for jobs that don’t yet exist, using technologies that have not yet been invented in order to solve problems we don’t even know are problems yet.”

“I really work hard with the students to make them rely on themselves. What I am teaching them to be is learners, how to learn strategically, organize themselves, process new information, make critical decisions and how to access it at a later time, to use these ‘superpowers’ to be successful in the 21st century, in this school, in high school and the future.”

The full article can be found here:
http://www.cape-coral-daily-breeze.com/page/content.detail/id/529615/Four-exemplary-teachers-honored-with-Lighthouse-Awards-2012.html?nav=5011

Learn more about Elisa’s award-winning curriculum:
http://studyskills.com/products/?categ=17

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

Some of the hot topics included handwriting (to my surprise), gaps in our educational system, and challenges with motivation.  Teachers spoke about their constant frustration that they just can’t “do enough” to reach all of the students they want to reach or have the impact they had hoped to have.  Parents are struggling with homework and finding that homework is, in many instances, destroying their relationships with their children.  Heavy stuff.

But, we discussed positive things, too.  Like how a mathematical phenomenon that naturally exists in the world can help up leverage our resources and be happier parents and teachers in the process.  We also discussed some of the “victories” that we have had with our children and students and some of the small modifications that are within our power to change, while we wait (and hope) that the “System” will change around us.

I will be bringing more and more of these issues to the forefront for discussion in the coming months and hope you will respond with your input and ideas.

Meanwhile, I would like to leave you with an observation I made over the holidays.  We took a family trip to Disney World.  My seven year-old son loved Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, and having his picture taken with Darth Vader and Storm Troopers from Star Wars.  (He is a Star Wars fanatic!)

Despite all of these –and many other- magical attractions, do you know what ONE thing my son loved more than anything else?   The one thing that made him jump up-and-down with pure excitement…that he nagged us about for days before we even arrived…and then nagged us about well after we left?

Dumbo.

Yup, that’s right.  The ride where you do nothing but spin around circles.   Relative to every other attraction in Disney World, Dumbo has absolutely nothing fantastic to see or experience.  It is no more interesting than your standard, run-of –the-mill carnival ride.  In fact, at 62 seconds long, it has to be the shortest attraction in all of Disney World, but my son is willing to wait in looooong lines over and over again just for his few seconds of thrill.

What makes this ride so spectacular to him?

A joy stick. That’s right..a simple little joy stick that allows him to move his car up and down, at his will.  This small, few-second, opportunity for him to CONTROL something is enough to warrant more excitement and enthusiasm than anything else in the park.

And he’s not alone.  Based on the fact that the line for Dumbo is always longer than Pirates of the Caribbean and that Disney has included two other circle rides in the park (Rockets and Flying Carpets) that have equally long lines, other kids must feel the same way.

Morale:  Children love to have control.  (Heck, adults love to have control, too!)  Children need to have control –within reasonable limits- in order to grow, develop responsibility, and feel engaged in their life.  These are all of the elements that foster Motivation!  In all of your daily obligations as parent or a teacher, what small windows of opportunity can you find to give your children and students some control?

As my son, and the gazillions of children standing in line right now at Dumbo can attest, a little bit of control can yield a lot of rewards!

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 2): A Breakdown of the ADHD Circuit^®

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 3): My Personal Journey Through The ADHD Circuit^® . . .for a Cup of Milk!

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 4): ADHD Is Not an Excuse!

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 5): Is it Creativity… or ADHD?

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 6): How to Avoid the “Tasmanian Devil Tailspin” of School Work

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 7): A Simple Learning Solution Hiding in Plain Sight

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 8): “EVERYTHING Is Wrong With My Kid!”

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 9): Improving Social Skills

The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 10): When ADHD Children Have ADHD Parents

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 1): The Three Cueing Systems of Reading

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 2): Cueing Into a Problem / The Most Important Cueing System in Reading

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 3): When Mistakes are Golden

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 4): “He’s Just Not Tryin’”

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 5): What Do I Do? Where Do I Go?

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 6): Why Reading Level Is Overrated

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 7): Journey of a Reading Teacher

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 8): Strategies for the Three Cueing Systems

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 9): Strategies for the Three Cueing Systems – Part II

“The Cue to Reading” Series (Article 10): Creating Effective Lessons for a LD Student

One year ago today, I was called in to meet with my son’s principal…and accused of “Educational Neglect!” In the eyes of the court, “Educational Neglect” is full-fledged child abuse.

How on earth could this happen to me?

You may know bits and pieces of this story from the past year.  To celebrate our triumph, I am going to tell the whole story today; the back-story, the dark story, and the Story of Glory.

If you don’t have time to read all of the details, I’ll begin with the happy “ending.”

THE STORY OF GLORY

My son, Mark, had several serious struggles as he started 1^st grade last year. After a long battle with health and learning issues, including a diagnosis of dyslexia and ADHD, we are on a clear path of victory!

I am thrilled to report that Mark has returned to his happy, creative, endlessly curious, and healthy self! He’s taking a lot of initiative in school…and he’s reading nearly at grade-level!  A year ago, he couldn’t read.  Two weeks ago, he came home with a 100% on a grammar test that required him to diagram sentences.   His progress is completely remarkable.

Knowing the misery I felt a year ago, I can’t help but celebrate today!

It seems appropriate that I will be spending this morning and evening at special events at Mark’s “new school.” We will be in the company of Ms. Dawn, Ms. Mary, Ms. Lori, and Ms. Kim…all outstanding teachers who embraced us when we were at a very low and near-hopeless point.

They have walked the fine line between treating Mark with compassion, yet holding him to high standards. They have also been very patient with my babbling and random tears over the last year.  I am so grateful for their support and the Divine Intervention that helped us navigate our way through some highly unexpected challenges.

My experiences with Mark have renewed my commitment to education in ways I never would have imagined. Certainly, this experience has heightened my empathy for parents who are dealing with similar struggles.   As a result, I have written two article series, The Cue to Reading and The ADHD Circuit (still in-progress) to help parents better understand the causes and treatments for these learning disabilities.

At the surface level, I will never be able to make any sense of Dr. Claude’s (the principal) accusations or behaviors towards me one year ago today. The only way I can make *any* sense of it is to view it as a strong kick in the you-know-what to dig deep, truly understand the nature of Mark’s challenges, and share my genuine support to other students and families facing similar struggles.

Please help me celebrate our Redemption Day by sharing the links above with any parents who may be struggling with similar challenges!

Now, for…

THE BACK STORY

As Mark started 1^st grade, I was scrambling to get help from doctors, psychologists, and personnel at Mark’s school. It was clear to us that he had ADHD.  He also had mysterious health problems, was having very wild mood swings, and was having extreme difficulty learning how to read.

I am a certified reading specialist and my husband is a highly respected teacher in Mark’s “old” school district. If any set of parents were equipped to deal with learning challenges, it would be us.  I never dreamed we would have such an uphill battle!

Our greatest concern for Mark was his wild mood swings; if he were any older, my husband and I feared he would be suicidal. He would fall to the ground, crying “I wish I was never even born!”  For many reasons, we knew this behavior was completely out of his control.  It clearly seemed as if there were “chemical” changes within his body. In fact, there were times following severe mood swings when he clearly had no recollection of the trauma he had just endured…and created for the rest of us.

We were desperate for help!

We discovered that getting help from the medical community would be a very S-L-O-W process.  Help from his school was non-existent. His teachers and principal did not know Mark well enough to notice the drastic change in his demeanor.  They did not see Mark’s meltdowns.  They did not suspect a learning disability.  Clearly they thought I was a *loco* parent.

Mark also complained of stomach aches frequently and vomited a few times, with no other symptoms. After a while, we realized the stomach aches may be linked to the mood swings, since we would often see a slight improvement in Mark after he ate a snack with protein.   However, we waited for months before we could get an appointment with an endocrinologist.

When we finally met with the doctor, he was as baffled as we were! He sent us on to a cardiologist…and this is how the whole year went; Long wait.  No answers. Next specialist.  Long wait, etc.

Mark missed a lot of school. There were many “sick days,” doctor appointments, and batteries of tests ordered by each doctor. Of course, I notified the school every step of the way.

At the same time, Mark was having a difficult time learning to read. I may be biased, but I knew Mark well enough to know that he was too smart to be struggling so much.  I suspected something was wrong and spoke with several teachers about my concern, but they shrugged my concerns aside.  “Oh, I wouldn’t worry.  He just needs to try harder,” they all told me.  (I have since figured out that the words “try harder” are a major red flag, as I described here.)

More than anything, my husband and I were concerned that we were “losing” our son. From infancy through preschool, Mark was always a happy kid.  He was a bit shy, but gave smiles that made everyone he met feel like a million bucks!

However, by this time last year, that child was gone. In his place was a sullen, apathetic child…except when the mood swings crept in.  Then, we had a sullen, angry child.

When I discovered an opportunity to take Mark on a special business trip with me, I snapped at the opportunity! As my husband said, “This is a no-brainer. Mark has to go.  He has nothing else to look forward to right now.”

Mark missed four days of school for our special adventure. He attended a science camp while I attended a seminar.  I was taking a bit of a risk.  Based on the way things had been going, I fully expected to be called out of my seminar by the camp staff, asking me to come and comfort Mark.

As it turns out, the trip was a miracle! I called home every day to tell my husband, “We have our Mark back!”  He instantly relaxed and had a wonderful time.  His excitement for learning was reawakened and he had a blast at science camp.

He also loved being my special guest at a professional event. This opportunity gave him a special sense of pride and ownership in SOAR^®.  He began asking some very thoughtful, pointed questions…and continues to have a vested interest in what he calls, “Our SOAR.”

I have no doubt that taking him on that trip was the very best thing we could do for him while we searched for more answers. As long as he was feeling so down, he would never be capable of learning anything in school.

I was thrilled to get my Mark back!  For a little while, anyway.

THE DARK STORY

As soon as we returned home, Mark’s sullen behavior returned. That is when we began to realize that school might the culprit.  Two weeks after we returned, I was volunteering in the school when I saw a teacher speak to Mark in a manner that was so mean and rude, it defies explanation!  I immediately confronted the teacher…and began shopping for a new school the next day.

We received a letter from Mark’s principal that afternoon, requesting a meeting over his attendance. We knew this meeting is “standard protocol” after a certain threshold of absences. We had kept the school informed of every single sickness, doctor appointment, and medical test, so we didn’t think anything of it.

In fact, I was glad to talk to the principal and school counselor face-to-face. I needed to tell them that we were taking Mark to a well-known clinic in our area to be evaluated for a learning disability.  I wanted to explain my reasoning in a laid-back, non-threatening way, while also making it clear that I had solid reasons for being concerned.  This was a conversation that would need some grace…more grace than I could execute in an email.

I know that my perspectives on my child can be jaded, so I never “flaunted” my credentials towards anyone in the school.  I truly valued the input of the professional educators caring for my son.  However, in this case, my maternal intuition AND professional experience told me I had to push forward with a formal evaluation. I was looking forward to the opportunity to bring it up.

Obviously, my plan was foiled. Instead of a calm meeting between professional and rational adults, I was smacked with accusations of ineptitude and child abuse.

Dr. Claude* reached across the table, wagged his finger a few inches away from my face, and shouted at me, “YOU are holding your son back!  HIS MOTHER is the one holding him back!”

Dr. Claude went on to say that, if Mark had one more absence, he was referring us to the court system for Educational Neglect.

(*I changed “Dr. Claude’s name to be nice. I don’t FEEL like being nice, but I changed his name, nonetheless.)

In our combined 25 years in education, my husband and I have NEVER seen anything so aggressive…and we’ve seen some pretty appalling situations where students were truly victims of their parents.  The behavior Dr. Claude displayed towards us, however, does not even come close to any actions we’ve ever seen taken against some truly neglectful parents!

I don’t exactly know what a nervous break-down is, but I suspect that is what I had following that meeting. I was completely and utterly stunned. I left Dr. Claude’s office in tears, nearly hyper-ventilating. I didn’t know Mark would be waiting right outside the office to see my miserable display of emotions.  But, it probably didn’t matter that he was there since I couldn’t stop. I cried all evening and into the night.  I think I managed to fall asleep a few times overnight, but always awoke in tears.

I was very hurt.  But, even worse, I was deeply, deeply worried for my son. Between the behaviors I had just witnessed from Dr. Claude that afternoon and the obnoxious teacher just a few days earlier, a few pieces of the puzzle snapped together…Mark was suffering from extreme anxiety about school!  Clearly, he had been getting similar treatment at school.  How did I miss it for so long?

Suddenly, we were at a very difficult crossroads that fueled my angst. Mark was close to many friends and we hated to yank him from school so abruptly.  However, we didn’t want him to spend another day near Dr. Claude.

In the end, logic prevailed. We knew we couldn’t leave our child in a position where Dr. Claude potentially had the power to take our child from us.  He said he would refer us to the court system if Mark had one more absence or tardy.  Considering Mark’s ongoing health challenges and debilitating meltdowns (often as we left for school), we obviously could not guarantee perfect attendance for the last quarter of the year.

While I am absolutely certain that I could have drowned any lawyer or court representative with enough paperwork to make Dr. Claude look like a fool, having to fight to *keep* my child would feel like fighting for oxygen.  I couldn’t let that happen!

As my husband and I hashed through these options that evening, I continued to sob. It was killing me that Dr. Claude had put us in this position.  I had caught him speaking inappropriately a few months earlier.  (I blogged about it that day.  The story is here.)  Was this a personal vendetta?  If so, how could he use an innocent six year-old as a pawn?

Obviously, my mind was racing and my poor husband attempted to console me. “Sue, everything happens for a reason.  I don’t know why this happened, but you’ll see, something good will come from it!”

Every step of the way, throughout the months of challenges leading up to that day, I had the very strong conviction that the struggles were not in vain. I instinctively knew that I was being put to the test for a reason.  But, that didn’t stop the test from hurting.  I looked at my husband through puffy eyes and said, “I know that in my head.  But, my feelings are hurt.  Right now, I just need to cry.  Let me have 24 hours to let the tears fall.”

MORE ON THE GLORY STORY

But, I didn’t have the luxury of a full 24 hours. 18 hours later, with the crying in full force, I had to summon some courage to call the “new” school we had just toured a few days earlier.  Mark joined us on the tour and we all agreed that he would move to the new school for 2^nd grade.  Now, I was hoping we could move him a bit earlier.  A lot earlier.

Spring break was less than two days away; I couldn’t take the chance of waiting another ten days to make my request. I dialed the number and swallowed a giant lump that crawled into my throat.  Only a few hours before, I had been told that I was a wretchedly horrible parent and was threatened with child abuse charges…it was so absurd, I hadn’t made sense of it yet.  (I now understand that I never will.)  How on earth was I going to explain my situation to the new principal without her thinking I was totally off my rocker?

Suddenly, a kind voice answered the phone and immediately put me through to Ms. Dawn, the principal.

Ms. Dawn came on the line right away.  I looked up to the sky and prayed, “God, give me the words!” Then, I quietly introduced myself.  Thankfully, she remembered me and our recent visit, so I cautiously continued. “I know I’m about to ask something that may not be possible and would likely be a huge inconvenience, but is there ANY chance that you would enroll Mark for the 4^th quarter?”

Naturally, she wanted to know why I wanted to act so swiftly. In a fraction of a second, my mind whirled with questions… “Should I tell her the truth?  She’ll think I’m crazy.  But, I CAN’T lie…”  Finally, I simply explained, “Well, I had a meeting with Mark’s principal yesterday and I am not seeing any progress with his reading. The principal does not see the same things I do; he is not concerned about a problem.  Based on our meeting, I realized that waiting until September would mean missing another six months of potential progress.”

Whew…I made it.

Ms. Dawn was very open to my request and graciously welcomed us! In fact, she has two young children and had been dealing with a serious family illness for over three weeks, but she still volunteered to meet us on her personal time over spring break to acquaint Mark with his new classroom and do some preliminary evaluations on Mark.   She evaluated his reading and immediately honed in on the same concerns I had.  I wanted to lunge at her with a big hug!  FINALLY, we were on the same page as another educator.

After having a few weeks to demonstrate my sanity, I finally told Ms. Dawn the WHOLE story. She was very supportive and reassuring.  By then, it was already apparent that Dr. Claude had done us a favor.  Mark’s anxiety settled down and he was enjoying school.  He told me, “I really miss my friends from (the old school), but I love it here!”

Six weeks after starting at the new school, we received results from the LD testing. Doctors from the clinic confirmed my suspicions of dyslexia and a previous diagnosis of ADHD.  They congratulated us on catching the dyslexia so early.  “Most people don’t catch this problem for several more years, after the child has struggled for quite a long time.  You really did your homework!”

After months of slogging through quick-sand, desperately crying for help, I had finally been vindicated! Once again, the tears fell, but this time, they were tears of relief.  Now that I knew what we were dealing with, I knew we could deal with it.

And, have we ever! As I shared at the beginning, Mark is thriving.  Just two days ago, I was helping Mark practice for his spelling test and misread one of the words.  He corrected me.  So, I attempted to defend myself. “Gosh, Mark…I think *I* have the reading disability.”

He looked up with a serious, but happy smile on his face. “Mom…this is my reading disability (he put right hand straight up with fingertips pointing to the ceiling) and this is me (as he cupped his left hand to form a “race car,” with his palm parallel with the ground).  He then had his Race Car Hand blast right through the Reading Disability Hand…using all of the colorful sound-effects you would expect from an eight year-old boy!

I cried all over again.  But this time, they were tears of joy!  Pure joy.

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

Nonetheless, he’s drowning in homework.

This past weekend, he had a three-day weekend. (In theory, anyway.) We spent three hours every day on homework. By Sunday afternoon, I was crawling out of my skin! I thought, “Geez! I am supposed to help other parents AVOID this mess! What advice do I give others that I am not taking for myself?”

I literally grabbed my “Homework Help for Parents!” CDs and read through the table of contents. This is not the first time I have done this. Two years ago, when my son was in kindergarten, I had to re-orient myself with all of the lessons I learned over many years as an in-home tutor and homework coach.

I am happy to say that I identified our problem areas and corrected course. I rediscovered my “Night Before School Tool” and “Chip Clip System.” Things began to hum again.

Perhaps it would work this time, too. I ran through the list of topics on the CDs. I mentally checked each one off of the list. “We are doing that…and that…and that…” I thought.

“So, what am I missing?” I thought to myself. Parent Guilt is an ugly thing for all of us, but this was more than just Parent Guilt. Since this is what I do for a living, Professional Guilt set in. “Oh my gosh! Why would anyone trust me if I can’t help *myself *out of this…”

I WAS SUDDENLY STRUCK BY A LIGHTNING BOLT OF THE OBVIOUS…

We simply have too much homework! It seems ridiculously obvious to me now.

But, when emotions are in charge –especially Mama Bear Emotions – logic takes a back seat…by a long shot! I was trying to be a responsible parent and teach/model/encourage the same level of responsibility in my son. In the midst of that, however, I missed the clear signs that we were well beyond age-appropriate levels of homework.

I have been coaching parents and students through homework for over 15 years and have spoken with hundreds of parents about homework battles. I can usually trouble-shoot any homework problem, as long as the parent *really* wants to resolve it. “Too much homework” is the trickiest problem to solve!

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my son’s teachers. I am forever grateful for the way they embrace him with compassion, yet hold him to high expectations. He highly respects both of them and I don’t want to compromise that in any way.

THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY

I must tell you, when I was a classroom teacher, I had NO WAY of knowing if the workload was too much! I assigned what I *thought* was reasonable. The homework simply came back to school, complete and accurate.

One day, when teaching third grade, I received a note from a frustrated mom. She wrote, “I help Bailey with her math homework every day, but it is tearing her apart! She gets overwhelmed and very upset…”

I had no idea!

In class, Bailey held it together. She did “fairly well” on tests. I didn’t know that “fairly well” was not good enough for her. She put pressure on herself to answer every homework question perfectly. She didn’t understand that homework was “practice.” It was perfectly okay if she got some questions wrong. She could learn from mistakes.

So, I assured Bailey and her mom that I did not assign homework to make them miserable. If homework was causing tears, then it was time for them to wrap it up. Bailey’s mom could write me a note and we would trouble-shoot from there.

This experience made me realize that parents accept homework without any question. From talking to all of those frustrated parents, I know how reluctant they are to complain about homework. We don’t want to teach our children that they can “complain” their way out of responsibility. We can struggle and fight to no end with our kids over homework, but all the teacher sees the next morning is a perfectly complete assignment.

Inspired by Bailey, I created a platform for regular homework feedback. I added a cover sheet to my weekly homework assignments. The cover sheet asked parents to rank their child’s understanding of each assignment, on a scale of 1-5. I also included a space for parents to write a brief homework summary each week. This feedback was incredibly valuable!

STOPPING THE CYCLE

With Mama Bear Emotions running the show, I forgot all about those homework lessons I learned in the classroom. There I was, fantasizing about banging my head on the kitchen counter because that seemed less painful than coaxing my son through another minute of homework.

I didn’t actually do it, but somehow, my sense was knocked back in place. I finally realized that I was so wrapped up in modeling “responsibility,” that I neglected to model “boundaries.” I immediately put a halt to homework for the night.

I then wrote a polite note to his teachers: “Please excuse Mark for not completing his homework. We spent nine hours on homework this weekend. Homework is now sabotaging our family. We need a break!”

I am not sure how his teachers will respond, but I do know this… They are kind. They are compassionate. They are mothers. They most likely had no idea how much was on our plate. I have no reason to believe they will respond with anything but kindness and support.

*NOTE*

A couple years ago, I shared specific guidelines for age-appropriate homework AND supporting research. You can find the article here.

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

As you know, most of the time, I write about improving education for our students. Our mission at SOAR^®, however, is to “make the lives of the students, parents, and educators with whom we work as simple as possible.” (If you ever call our office and speak to Chrystal, Jill, Katie, or Chris, you will know they take this mission to heart! They are four very kind people who are proud to be of service…which makes me very proud to have them on our team!)

So, today, I want to share something specifically for you as a parent and/or educator. Like me, I’m sure you are under a lot of pressure to get things done. Recently, however, I stumbled across my greatest productivity breakthrough in ages! It is a practice that is so flexible it will work for anyone: working parents, stay-at-home parents, teachers, administrators, and any other type of job.

THE LAST TWO MONTHS HAVE BEEN MY MOST PRODUCTIVE EVER!

I’ve never had a time in my life when I have felt less overwhelmed or gotten more done. Not only is this a major accomplishment, I had some specific constraints:

1. I was out of the office for six of the first nine weeks of the year. Most of this travel was for business, which is exceptionally exhausting and frenzied.

2. SOAR^® is growing rapidly. This is a good “problem” to have, but there are more demands on my time than ever before!

3. I have two lively and lovely (yet VERY high-maintenance) children with ADHD.

WHAT MADE THE DIFFERENCE?

Perhaps you’ve already heard of the block-buster system, Getting Things Done (GTD). I heard about it for years. A good friend of mine even owns a large firm in the Netherlands, teaching people how to be more productive with GTD principles. (He’s the Dutch “GTD King!”)

However, I never paid much attention. I’ve always been a very organized person. I’ve read hundreds of books and articles on the topic of organization.
They all say the same thing.

I had even attempted a few elements of GTD before, but I didn’t take to them very well. I now realize that I was missing the most important element of the whole process…

I was not keeping an appropriate written record of *all* of my commitments (a.k.a. “to-do” items).

How is this possible?

I AM THE MASTER “TO-DO LIST” MAKER!

Or, so I thought.

David Allen, author of GTD, describes *anything* we have to do as an “open loop,” no matter how big or small. His description made me think of a fish hook; a loop that would cause a serious snag. In this case, Allen explains that open loops cause serious snags in our attention. These attention snags build and eventually, cause a feeling of overwhelm and dread. They are a constant strain on our mental bandwidth.

The brain cannot categorize these loops. It does not distinguish between a “big” loop or a “small” loop. To our brain, every open loop feels like a large, looming task. Something as simple as “stop by the dry cleaners” has the same impact on our mental bandwidth as “clean out the entire house.”

COLLECTING ALL OF THE OPEN LOOPS

Allen suggests that we capture *all* of our open loops in writing. I was used to having a weekly to-do list of 10-15 items. When done correctly, however, Allen says that most people will have over 150 open loops on their list.

Egads!

I always avoided writing down little, mundane tasks. They seemed too insignificant to put in writing. Perhaps I was afraid of becoming more overwhelmed with a bigger list. It turns out, the opposite is true. Without a system to capture those tasks, they would swirl around in my head. They would pop into my attention at the most inconvenient times. I never realized what a drain they were on my consciousness, my energy, or my productivity.

FOR EXAMPLE…

I have a drawer in my bedroom filled with VHS tapes I will never use again. Every time I walked past that dresser, I would think “I should really clean that out,” and my stomach would sink ever-so-slightly. It bothered me, but I was never conscious of it. I certainly never thought to write it down. Just as soon as I thought about it, I thought I was forgetting it. I now realize that it was compounding with all of the other “I shoulds…” I would think of throughout the day. B-I-G M-E-N-T-A-L D-R-A-I-N!

As soon as I added this task to my list, I have *not once* thought about those tapes when passing that dresser. I still haven’t cleaned them out, but I enjoy the fact that they are NOT bothering me anymore. I must have been waiting to write this article, just to maintain a specific example of the power that writing everything down can have!

Allen recommends investing a few hours in creating this list. I followed his recommendation and walked all around my house, recording every open loop I noticed. Then, I went through my office and my email to capture everything possible.

By the time I was done, I filled three pages! My new Action List includes *everything,* from the prescriptions I have to pick up tomorrow to ideas I might not address for another three years. In other words, everything my brain dreams up or for which it feels responsible. Since I only have one brain, I keep personal and professional commitments on ONE list.

THE RESULT?

I have been completely and utterly AMAZED to experience the transformation of creating this master list! I review it every week and make decisions about what I will cover the following week. (This weekly review is another, completely essential step in making GTD work.)

I don’t have words to describe how mentally freeing it is to get everything out of my head. My brain takes much comfort in knowing that it no longer has to track every open loop. As a result, I am sleeping better. I am working faster. I am…

Getting Things Done!

FOR MORE INFORMATION…

There are many resources available about GTD: the original book, audio CDs, videos, etc. I carefully read Amazon reviews and learned that the book can be a slog to read. (I have attempted to read the book. I totally agree!) However, the abridged CD is perfect and is available here.

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

As I entered college, I knew something would have to change. Based on my track-record, I would never survive. So, I found a couple of books on the subject of “preparing for college.”

Most of the information in these books was awkward and frustrating. A few strategies, however, were attractive. They were simple. I could easily remember them. So, I tried them.

They worked! I earned a 3.9 GPA my first semester of college. Before long, I earned a 4.0 and graduated from college with the highest honors. After 13 years of chronic struggle in school, this was a miracle!

What Made the Difference?

It turns out, the few strategies I learned were “study skills;” skills that allowed me how to learn more efficiently. After a lifetime of struggles, a few simple concepts completely transformed my experience in school. My confidence soared! I discovered I can do anything I set my mind to.

Do Study Skills Really Make THAT Much Difference?

Study skills changed my life. It turns out, I’m not alone. In 2009, Ohio State University published results from a long-term study on the effectiveness of study skills. They found that:

Students who had struggled in high school, were 45% more likely to graduate from college if they took a study skills class as a freshman.
Students who had been considered “average” in high school, were 600% more likely to graduate from college after taking a study skills class!

Employers Are DESPERATE for Study Skills!

In the workplace, these skills are known as “soft skills.” And, employers are desperate for them! In a 2008 survey, hundreds of employers in “emerging sectors” (fields that are expected to grow in the next 30 years) listed the skills they needed most. Of the top 57 skills, only four related to technology. The remaining 95% were skills such as:

- Reading comprehension (which ranked at the top of the list for every individual sector)
- Critical thinking
- Active learning
- Written expression
- Time management
- Organization
- Active listening
- Attention to detail
- Learning strategies
- Independence

…these are “study skills” and they represent 95% of the top skills in the workplace!

We Are Preparing Students for Jobs That Do Not, Yet, Exist!

Is it any wonder that employers need students to learn these study skills? Information is changing at an unprecedented pace! The top 10 in-demand jobs ten years from now…do not exist today. Employers need to hire people who can keep up with changes. They need students who can access information, organize it, recall it for later use, think critically, and manage time appropriately.

National and state education standards place all of the emphasis on content. Content is easy to test, but much of that content is already outdated. Students need to learn how to learn that content so they are prepared to learn any content.

Study Skills Are for Everyone!

Study skills level the playing field for everyone. Straight-A students appreciate learning short-cuts to make their study time more efficient. Struggling students appreciate the clarity and confidence they develop once they unlock the mystery. Even students with learning disabilities and ADHD benefit from study skills.

In fact, it wasn’t until just a few months ago (nearly 20 years after I began teaching study skills) that I learned I have ADHD and a couple of learning disabilities. This explains why I struggled through school. But it also demonstrates how powerful study skills can be in overcoming major challenges.

What Are These “Magic” Skills?

I could write a whole book on the tips and strategies that helped me go from failing to a four-point (and, actually, I have). But I’ll share a few of my favorites now:

Visual Networking for Textbook Reading

You have heard that a picture is worth a thousand words. This is much more than a cliché…the brain is hard-wired to absorb images instantaneously. Words, on the other hand, require several additional layers of processing before the brain can generate meaning. Take advantage of the brain’s natural strengths by “reading the pictures” in the text.

Reading the pictures is a three-step process:

1. Look at each picture, chart, graph, and visual.
2. Read the caption.
3. Ask yourself, “Why do I think this picture is here?” Answer the question to the best of your ability.

The third step is the most important in this process. It forces your brain to make connections; connecting visuals with the content in the text. These connections will greatly improve reading speed and comprehension!

Take Ten

“Take Ten” is a daily, ten-minute routine that improves the two most important keys to improving grades: organization and learning. It works by using the first ten minutes of daily homework to organize papers and review notes:

-Two minutes to clean out the book bag and organize papers in folders or a binder.
-Eight minutes to review all notes and handouts that were distributed throughout the day.

This daily review transfers new information from short-term to long-term memory and dramatically reduces study time for tests. It also helps the brain process homework more efficiently, which means homework can be done faster.

Power Down

The concept of “powering down” has become one of the most eye-opening for the students in our classes! As I always tell students, “If you don’t learn how to control electronics now, they will always have control over you.” Students tell us that this sound bite sticks with them. This is the first time they have ever noticed that electronics do, in fact, run their lives.

As you might guess, the idea behind “powering down” is simply to turn off electronic distractions long enough to finish. Students think they can multi-task. In reality, their attention ping-pongs back-and-forth: Homework. Texting. Homework. TV. Homework. Music. Texting. Homework.

The brain is only capable of multi-tasking for routine activities such as walking while talking. It is not capable of multi-tasking with learning. All of these electronic distractions simply reduce efficiency and make homework take 2-4x longer.

In Conclusion…

Sadly, national K-12 curriculum does not teach students how to learn, but there are simple brain-based strategies for learning more efficiently. There is no reason why any student should be denied the ability to meet his or her best potential with these strategies. If I can go from failing to a four-point, anyone else can, too. It’s time to give students the strategies to make that happen!

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

I am sharing this particular article for a few reasons:

1. ADHD is very hereditary; most families with an ADHD child will have an ADHD parent.  It is extremely common for parents to discover ADHD in themselves, along with their children.  There are many good things that can come from these discoveries; this story is a great example!

2. Like the mother and daughter in this article, learning about my own ADHD helped me see that I do all of the same irritating things that my son does.  It was a humbling discovery, but a helpful one!

3. This story illustrates a very, very important point about the correlation between undiagnosed/untreated ADHD and substance abuse.  As Danielle, the teenage daughter, explained, “Knowing that there wasn’t something wrong with me also helped me stop using drugs and alcohol…”  Her experience is far from unique!

I would like to explore the topic of ADHD and substance about more in the future.  Meanwhile, enjoy reading about Danielle and Kimberly. I hope you will find inspiration in their story: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/923.html.

-Susan Kruger

(Google+)

To share The ADHD Circuit^® with a friend, invite them to join the series at this webpage: Invitation to Join My Winter Email Series: The ADHD Circuit^®

Previous ADHD Circuit^® articles can be found here:

Article 1 – The ADHD Circuit^®: Article 1: The ADHD Circuit^®

Article 2 – The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 2): My Personal Journey Through The ADHD Circuit^®. . .for a Cup of Milk!

Article 3 – The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 3): ADHD Is Not an Excuse!

Article 4 – The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 4): Is it Creativity…or ADHD?

Article 5 – The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 5): How to Avoid the “Tasmanian Devil Tailspin” of School Work

Article 6 – The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 6): A Simple Learning Solution Hiding in Plain Sight

Article 7 – The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 7): “EVERYTHING Is Wrong With My Kid!”

Article 8 – The ADHD Circuit^® (Article 8): Improving Social Skills